final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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