I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
