I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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