Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
