why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
