she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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