the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
