I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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