LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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