I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize