Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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