Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
