Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
