Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
