Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
