he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
