before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
