i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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