Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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