Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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