i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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