people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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