I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
