my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
