The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
