Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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