A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
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