I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
