Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
