I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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