You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize