My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
