My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
