Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
