today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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