Your face is a jimmy john
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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