allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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