party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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