I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
