Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
