can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
