My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
