i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
