I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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