I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
