Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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