my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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