Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
