yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
