Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it hurts more in the daytime
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
