Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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