That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
