She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
