i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
