dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
