i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
