I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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