my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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