i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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