soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
