I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
