that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
