the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
