i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
