If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My liver just had a heart attack.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
