Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
