I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
