What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
