Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
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I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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