is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
