guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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