I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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