Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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