you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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