i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize