Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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