I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
