This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
