my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
