I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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