In America we eat man semen.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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