I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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