please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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