look no pants
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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