hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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