My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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